Sunday 5 June, 2005
Jimmy Krankie
My wife presented an interesting and amusing conundrum earlier. If you were to fancy Jimmy Krankie, would you be:
(a) heterosexual
(b) gay
(c) a paedophile.
Perhaps this is one just for the amusement of Steve: I'm on the fence as to whether it has wide appeal or whether it's something limited to the tickling of my fancy. Either way, it's probably safe on this page. In posting, I found it difficult to establish the definitive spelling of his/her name. Only the BBC could give me the authoritative version.
Anyone fancying wee Jimmy Krankie I can only imagine to be suffering a triple-whammy of afflictions, being deaf, dumb and indeed blind.
Don't know if it reached you in NY mate, but after being out of the news since about 1986, Jimmy Krankie was in the news fairly recently after falling off a ladder (or something) on stage and injuring him/herself quite badly. Which remains to this day the only amusing thing he/she's ever done. I don't know why, but imagining a diminutive Scottish lady, dressed as a schoolboy complete with peaked cap and short trousers, bouncing off the rungs as he/she tumbles stageward in front of a bemused audience, makes me smile. Not terribly fandabidozee.
It's a good thing he/she's never visited Neverland as you can only imagine the look of confusion on Michael Jackson's face a few beers in. (Not my gag, but a plagiarised throwaway thought from underrated comedian Sean Lock on telly the other week.)
Anyway, if you're missing traditional British "entertainment", (and if anyone reading this is unfamiliar with the Krankies' work), you can find examples at www.Itsbehindyou.com. For the price of a few mouse clicks, you'll be rewarded with a cavalcade of crap where you'll find the likes of Mr and Mrs Krankie nestling among such "stars" as Su Pollard, Gary Wilmot and that bloke who used to be in Brush Strokes though has now found regular work in the 'Beazer Homes League' of acting roles as the face of Flash Kitchen Cleaner, where in a series of arse-crunchingly-humourless skits (the punchline of which invariably involves the swift and effortless mopping of a muddied kitchen floor before his wife gets home with the shopping), he shamelessly sells his thespian soul to the Bealzebub of non-abrasive household cleaners who brandishes all the riches that endorsement can bring in his scaly claw. Three years in RADA for that. Crap.
Thanks for your amusing words, Mr. C. I was laughing rather too hard this morning much to the bemusement of a few of my American colleagues. I couldn't even point them to the focus of said laughter due to the very British nature of Mr. and Mrs (or should that be Mr. and Mr.?) Krankie. How you'd go about describing this bizarre double-act to a foreigner, I have no idea. I'm even laughing re-reading.
For those of you who aren't aware of their work, below is a somewhat dated link which catches them at their best:
http://www.thekrankies.cwc.net/index.html
I did hear of the sad fall of Mrs. Krankie, and while you shouldn't laugh at the downfall of others, it's hard not to when you paint such a vivid picture.
I believe the Brush Strokes 'actor' you're referring to answers to the name of Karl Howman. Unfortunately, his IMDB listing (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0398253/) doesn't do him justice as it only includes his appearances in films and TV shows. If there were an IADB (Internet Advertisement Database), he'd be top of the pile without a shadow of a doubt.
By the way, you failed to refer to his four notable appearances as Julian 'The Nap' Napper in the Bill back in 2001, the inspirational character-naming of whom is surpassed only by that of Eastenders' Danny Harrison, named after my good self courtesy of our friend Mr. Cogan.
