Conversations with my ISP (Rob) are phenomenally frustrating, but also, quite amusing. Below are some edited highlights of tonight's bout (expletives have been removed) for your amusement. In French, the you (tu vs. vous) defines how many people you're referring to (one or more than one). In English, it's nice that I don't have to assume my audience size.
Topic: Sudoku spreadsheet
Rob: U fixed your spreadsheet yet?
Rob: It's riddled with bugs
Rob: Clearly not written by a developer
Me: it's not riddled with bugs
Rob: Sure it is
Me: give me one bug!
Rob: No input validation
Me: that's not a bug - it's a feature that is not there
Me: a bug is something that was meant to be there that either isn't there or doesn't work properly
Rob: The spec should have said, 'The user is to enter a number between 1-9'
Rob: Any decent coder would have implemented a check
Me: it's an enhancement, not a bug
Rob: Either way - you are responsible for both spec and code, so it's all your fault!
Me: w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r
Rob: No pride in your work.... tut, tut
Me: I'm proud of it
Me: u should do motivational speaking
Rob: LOL
Topic: some 100k bike race in Australia
Rob: I did this: http://www.maxadventure.com.au/dirtworksclassic/
Rob: 100Ks... 2100m vertical 7:27 in the computer, 8:40 elapsed :)
Me: what?
Rob: It's a mountain bike race... kind of like a marathon... over 100Kms
Rob: There's 2100m of vertical climbs in there for fun
Me: so what does "7:27 in the computer..." mean?
Rob: Up as well as down... that's like cycling up Ben Nevis and back 1.5 times
Rob: 7:27 on the computer... the time the wheels were moving
Me: u mean 7:27:00, right?
Rob: No... I cycled 100Kms in 7 minutes
Rob: I had a jet in my ass
Me: so how am i meant to know what 7:27 means - i read it as 7m27s and thought: "he's a retard"
Rob: I thought you would realise I can't be talking about minutes and seconds in relation to going 100Kms
Me: get your time units right - don't blame me - communication problems are almost always the fault of the communicator (as opposed to the listener) - especially when you use inconsistent time units
Rob: LOL
Rob: How on earth is 7:27 not 7 hours just 'cos there's no :00 on the end
Rob: Your interpritation [sic] is wrong 'cos you can't comprehend context of the conversation
Rob: It's like, you can ask someone the time, they say, '20 past'
Rob: You are assumed to be on the same planet and realise what hour it is
Me: so if u swam somewhere in 7m27s, how would you write that?
Rob: Hmmmm... no... I would say I can swim about 400m in 7:27
Rob: 'cos it's clearly not hours when we're takling about 400m
Me: oh, so u can swim somewhere in 7:27 and cycle somewhere in 7:27, but these mean different things. i get it - u're a moron!
Rob: No... it's your interpritation [sic]
Rob: And I know that's spelt incorrectly
Rob: But I don't give a hoot [editor: changed so as not to offend limited readership]
Me: so leave nothing to interpretation
Rob: When you talk to baboons clearly this is not a good idea
Me: have u ever been wrong in your life? ever?
Rob: Not in a conversation with you
Me: i'm meant to know what "100Ks... 2100m vertical 7:27 in the computer, 8:40 elapsed" means - you're having a laugh!
Rob: Well... I explained it's a mountain bike race, and not a knitting pattern
